Sunday, 11 October 2009


Last night, I cycled over to Hook to meet up with some friends and go out for a meal. We call ourselves the "Mini-Gang", or so one person calls us this, they even created a Facebook Group, of which only 3/4 people joined.
I find that there's an issue with this, as ocassionally we're talking about a particular subject, and there's a detail which I may not want to add because although I fully trust one of the other people, the other two, especially one are a bit iffy. I have my doubts with trusting them. However, when I hesitate one would always say "Hey Ben, you're in the mini-gang, you call tell us anything." and this is the sort of 'artifical trust' that they try to form within said group which I have an issue with. Person W in the group I've known for long enough and become good enough friends with to trust with almost anything. Person H in the group I've known since Year 7, but we've always had our differences, and it's always seemed to me that he's taken every possibility to hurt me, emotionally or physically. Finally, Person R I've known for a few years, and we get along nicely, although we would sometimes argue about a particular common subject at school.
And this is where the problem lies, I know who I trust, and I know who I don't. Yet, in this group, I'm pressured into believing that I trust them all, because we all have this "group" status in common. But it doesn't work like that, that's not how true friendship works, and definately not how trust works.
Fast forward to last night. For an hour and a half, Persons H and R 'bitched', as usual, about someone who they don't particulary like, for no real reason, who happens to be someone that I am good friends with. They seem to completely ignore the fact that I care about them, yet they still go on and on, being totally uncivil towards them. Eventually, they came to a "conclusion" that he is gay, based on the ratio of his friends who are girls and guys. Which he's not I might add. After they finished that, they turned to me.
We'd just watched a film called "Knowing", which is basically about the end of the world, and it's rated a 12. There were quite a few scenes which would be classed as "spooky horror" or whatever, at night in a forest in fog, panning through the undergrowth looking for some mysterious characters etc. Now, it's a long story why, but I hate horror films. Anything remotely spooky, CGI characters made to look like zombies, alien sci-fi, halloween films, fantasy creatures, murder films, anything classed as horror, I simply do not watch. It's the result of childhood experiences why, but I'll explain this another time why. But if I do find myself watching something horror-orientated, I'll close my eyes and plug my ears, sometimes I'll put a cushion between me and the screen so that I can't still see the brightness changing or whatever. I just don't watch horror.
Now, I would expect alot of other guys to watch horror without a problem, getting excited when the suspense is built up before some hissing bloody alien jumps out at you, and predicatbly, Person H last night wouldn't stop going on about how I am a 'sissy' for not watching these particular scenes in films. He didn't justify this statement either, he just stated that I'm a sissy.
So after an hour and a half of firstly having my friends abused, I then get the abuse turned to me directly. After another half hour of being persistantly called a sissy, I told Person H directly what I was thinking about him. As soon as I did this, he then made several accusations about me having friends who are girls. He was really trying to drum it into me that having friends who are girls is something which automatically makes you completely gay, and in my case, unworthy to be respectful too.
I found this all so hurtful that I've now made the decision to leave this group which he calls us the "mini-gang", and go back to how we were a couple of months ago, before he placed this cage around us all.
And in addition, it's reminded me just how much of a total ****** he can be, and how much I value my friendship with all the people he abused, and his efforts to satisfy his own peculiar grudges have only resulted in me feeling just a little bit closer to the friends who I love and will always.

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